30 lessons I learnt in my first 30 years

These are lessons that I have learnt over time and carry with me throughout. There’s actually 31 not 30. Do these resonate with you? Or do you disagree with any of them? Would love to hear your thoughts!

1) Personal health is the number 1 priority followed by personal wealth and then the health of those around you

This took me a while to figure this out, but ultimately if you are not healthy then how can you enjoy the wealth that you have created. So for me personal health is more important than personal wealth. And then, only in rare occasions would you sacrifice your personal health to help those around you. But generally speaking if you yourself are not healthy then you will be a burden on those around you. That is something I find hard to deal with. Similarly, you do not want to place the burden of wealth on others. Also, if you have personal wealth it becomes easier to help others. So for me, personal health > personal wealth > health & wealth of those around you.

2) Happiness is relative, compare yourselves to others that are less fortunate

This idea comes from the author of the book, 12 Rules for Life, which helped me turn my life around. Jordan, the author, suggests not to compare yourself with those around you but to the average human being in the world. For example, just by having free healthcare, a roof, food, water and a job we are already in the top 1% of the world’s population. So when something goes wrong, or you are feeling bad just remind yourself you have everything and most people are far more unfortunate than we are.

3) Get fit and be strong there are more benefits than expected

Aside from the obvious of looking physical better and being physically stronger / fitter there are other benefits to getting fit and strong. When you exercise your mood is uplifted post workout, you begin a journey of self-discovery and you learn more about yourself. You learn how active you are, how committed you are and what your determination is. Aside from this it gives you more confidence, thus you can build relationships easier. Instead of being inward looking you become more outward looking and you start to achieve more in personal and professional life.

4) Good sleep is underrated, sleep early!

I have always struggled with sleep. There was a period at the end of university where I was on sleeping pills. I learnt in my first job the importance of sleep, I was average 5-6 hours only and I was feeling down, getting ill and generally not performing well at work. I changed my sleeping habits and began to average 7 hours of sleep which made a huge difference, things appeared with more clarity, my concentration levels rose and generally I felt healthier. Sometimes I still struggle to switch off as my mind is continously going through different things as I juggle priorities. Any tips will be greatly appreciated!

5) Look good, feel good, exude confidence, reap the rewards

This is more to do with spending time on how you look. Some of us spend more time on this than others, safe to say I spend very little time on looking good. However, some things cannot be overlooked. For example, wearing work clothes, if I am dressed up smart then I feel like I belong at the workplace because I am dressed similarly or smarter to those around me. This makes me feel good and I am able to express my feelings more, speak up and act confident. Once this happens then you begin to snowball forwards in achievement. So spend time looking the part.

6) Adults need play time too

I sincerely believe that humans cannot be machines, you have to do something to switch off or take your mind away from things. This could be exercise or reading a book. Also, instead of assigning a task or something to do it could be left free for creative thinking or playing games. Much like how children need playtime to learn skills and develop behaviour, adults can use play time to develop in critical thinking, try self reflection or socialise.

7) Relationships matter, don’t burn bridges

This is a simple one in that you should not burn bridges to your relationships. One reason is that it is a small world, by this I mean you are likely to bump into the same people again and again. Either through work, your hometown or simply by chance. Another reason is that sometimes you may need their help in future or they might need yours. You do not want to suffer because your past self was nasty. So if you leave, leave amicably or if you break up do so with your head held high.

8) The compromise for relationships is to not always think logically, sometimes it’s okay to let emotions drive decisions

This is one that I learnt through relationships and especially in the last few years. Instead of taking the logical decision, sometimes you just have to go with the decision that makes your wife happy! This creates harmony and doesn’t cause stress for you or your partner. However, you should not be a walkover and you should stick to your core principles, sometimes arguments progress the relationship in a positive manner.

9) Listening is underrated but speaking up is more important

I’ve always tended to be quiet, observant and generally shy. This has improved a lot recently. The listening part I realised is an important skill when I solo travelled in India. I was in a hostel in Manali and the workers were super friendly but they wanted me to talk more and share stories. The owner told the workers not to disturb me, because I will speak when I am ready. And it dawned on me that it is true. You need to allow space for someone to talk, and the space that needs to be given varies by person. However, I have learnt in recent years that you cannot hold space forever, sometimes you need to act on the urge to speak up as action is often better than inaction. The situation as well as the person you are talking to is important when determining how held back to be.

10) Surround yourself with the right people, they will lift you up and tear you down when needed

Having a core group of people to lean on is important, especially when you need their support. My friends have been amazing at motivating me and offering support. Sometimes it can be a friendly rivalry where you push each other to achieve more and get better. Either at work or for a new skill you are learning. However, sometimes you need a telling off when you stray away from the correct path. You need someone to be upfront, direct and pull you back in line. Your closest people will do this as they will want what is best for you.

11) Family will not always be there for you. Friends can help where family cannot

Family can help in almost everything but some things they cannot. Whether it be relationships, diet goals or work advice, sometimes family are a little bit out of touch. I have leaned on my friends a lot, especially through university and after graduation. My parents grew up in different countries moving here part way through their lives. Whereas I am born and brought up in the UK. So naturally our philosophies and cultures are slightly mis-aligned. Peers can be very helpful and supportive as they can understand you a bit better than family.

12) Most people are too busy thinking about their own problems to notice you

This I got from a podcast I think, but essentially most people think mostly about themselves and their own problems. They are too busy worrying about themselves that they don’t notice other people. And so if you have to do something embarrassing or you are worried about what other people think of you then you don’t need to worry so much because they probably do not care or are too focused on their own stuff.

13) By choosing to do something you are actively choosing to not do something else, and vice versa

I do not know if you are aware of opportunity cost, this is simlar. By choosing one thing, you are actively choosing not to do something else. So if you choose to go out that means you are choosing not to rest, not to read a book, not to do gardening etc. Similarly, the opposite is true, if you choose not to do something, that means you are choosing to do something else. For example, if you choose not to eat dinner, you are choosing to be hungry later, to eat less calories, to be less healthy etc. It is really the opportunity cost theory in a different light but applied to all decisions not just financial.

14) To aid decision making, pick the option you will regret the least

This is a great one. It almost comes from the flip a coin trick that my friend told me about. Essentially to decide between two things you flip a coin and the idea is that if you are disappointed with the outcome then you would choose the other one. For this think far ahead into the future, would you look back on your decision and regret it? Then you have your answer. Visualise yourself in the future… which option do you wish you would have gone with. When I quit my job I could’ve taken the logical decision to stick with my first job but I decided to take the option that I thought I would regret the least and it worked out in the end. I do not regret the decision.

15) Take calculated risks – time is on your side if it goes wrong

You are still young, whoever you are reading this! You might have one year, one decade or 50 years left to live. There is plenty of time to make things right, rebuild and reconvene. Take some risks, start that side hustle, go all in on something, try something new. We are young, we have one life so take some risks. Within reason of course!

16) Fail fast, trying and failing quickly is better than spending ages pondering

Through university and actuarial exams I spent ages trying to perfect a study plan and not actually studying. No point spending time planning when I should have been spending time actually studying. Doing is more important. This is applicable to everything, do first, try something. If you fail quickly, you learn quickly and if you learn quickly you will progress and enjoy your time earlier. There is one more thing called Parkinson’s Law which I want to raise. This law suggests the time taken to complete a project is dependent on the time given to the project, so the more time you give the longer the project will take and vice versa. So try giving yourself less time and you might find you achieve almost the same results in a shorter timeframe.

17) Question yourself and others, you are both smarter than you think and less smarter than you think!

How often were you told as a child to think before you speak. But why, if we feel something is not right we should voice our opinion. My threshold for making sure what I am saying is coherant is quite high, I will generally give a topic some thought before speaking up. But I have to remind myself that I am smart in certain topics and most of what I think of can be valuable. You are smart too. However, there are of course topics where we do not know enough yet we still voice our opinions, we speculate about diet, health, psychology, relationships etc. But how much do we really know? We should research more, read more, listen more, question more and this way we will learn and get smarter still. I am reminded of the Dunning-Kruger effect whereby we realise at some point we do not know as much as we think we do!

18) We are all different, what works for one person might not work for you

We are all wired differently, we like different things, we think differently and so it is normal that we go about things in a different way. So when you give advice, instead of instructing, you can ask questions. For example, if someone is struggling with working to deadlines, you can suggest if they have tried time blocking their calendar? Then the person you are speaking to decides whether that might work for them or not. This is the premise of coaching. Rather than being like a doctor telling a patient what they can and cannot do.

19) Chaos is necessary for growth

This goes back to when I was doing Muay Thai. On the wall was the quote that life begins at the edge of your comfort zone. And how true is that. When I went solo travelling I was a little nervous but this gave me a lot of confidence and I enjoyed my time. I still look back on this trip in awe. When things start to go wrong and spiral out of control, dealing with that helps you grow. So sometimes things get a bit chaotic but you can learn to manage this and control your emotions. Get through the storm and life will get better on the other end.

20) You need to be direct more often than not, don’t beat around the bush

Sometimes I can be too nice, this is usually good so as to not make any enemies. But sometimes you have to be direct for their own good and your own good. This allows you to resolve conflict quickly without getting to a toxic stage. It also allows you to solve problems quickly and raise concerns ahead of schedule so they can be addressed. Be direct, it will save you time.

21) You are not busy, you are just prioritising one thing over another

This one I am passionate about. People say they are busy all the time, but what do they really mean. For me it means they are simply prioritising something over something else. So when I say I am busy all I mean is that I have more pressing priorities. And this goes back to the personal health > personal wealth > health & wealth of those around you > everything else. You prioritise what is important.

22) Put yourself first, your time is precious spend it wisely

This sort of ties in with Personal Health above all but is more about how you spend your time. You need to carve out time for yourself first, whether that be to eat, sleep, work out, study or even relax. It is important to not let others dictate what you spend time on, including work. You deserve to stop working when your time is up. Of course if you are willing to work longer this is okay, but you should always have a “stop loss”, a time whereby you do not work later than this. This is because you do not want to compromise on dinner, sleep and exercise. As well as making sure you do not burn out. Take back your time and don’t betray your future self.

23) Self victimisation is a slippery slope, don’t fall for it, don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself

I mentioned snowballing earlier and, for me, I feel like the opposite effect is also true. In that the more bad we feel, the more we act in a way that is detrimental to ourselves and then we feel even worse. This is something I felt after uni and I realised that if I feel worse I make worse decisions like avoiding gym, eating poorly and not getting enough sleep. So do not feel sorry for yourself, instead try to uplift yourself and avoid the slippery slope.

24) A schedule or routine is like a foundation from which you can build upon

I love scheduling and time boxing. Routine is one of my pleasures, at this time I like to do this thing. And while routine can be rigid and boring, it also provides a solid platform. For example, if you want to spend time going to the gym, then having a set time each day helps to ensure you attend the gym at that time. Similarly, if you are studying, setting aside a regular time helps. For me, I started with 5-7pm on weekdays but then I moved to 9am-12pm on weekends. So every morning on the weekend I studied leading up to exams. However, some time should be reserved for free time, this could be going out or relaxing.

25) Focusing on one thing at a time can generate better output

This one comes from my father, where he always instilled in me to do one thing at a time. And after various research articles backed up his theory, I agree that multitasking is detrimental and focusing on one goal is better. The idea being that switching between tasks quickly requires familiarity time to think about the task you are doing. If you are not familiar with your task you might make mistakes or do the task inefficiently causing you to work longer on two tasks than if you tackled each one separately. This one is difficult to explain but try focusing on one task at a time and see what the result is.

26) Only you can truly understand yourself, cut others slack

This one comes from childhood, my parents did not really understand me, I was misunderstood by teachers and it was difficult to have an intellectual conversation with people. Eventually after university, I realised that it is hard to understand other people. So why should I be annoyed if someone does not understand me, they are not being malicious. So lets cut other people some slack, be nicer.

27) Exams are not the be all or end all

This one I learnt from my physics teacher. Through school it was always about passing tests and doing well in exams. Which I did. But it came with great stress and pressure especially from my parents – it is true what they say about Asian parents! My physics teacher said it is not all about exams, at the time I disagreed. With age I have come to recognise that it is true, many people do well without having to pass exams. Or without achieving high marks. You can do apprenticeships, you can grow in your job role without sitting exams, you can focus on building relationships or developing new skills. Exams can be an avenue towards higher achievement but the converse is not true. Higher achievement is not dependent on exams.

28) University is not only academic, you learn life lessons there too

There is a big debate around university at the moment. Whether it is worth the money spent and whether or not the student loan is worth it. This is partially an argument but also something I have experienced. Whilst at university I learnt about paying bills / rent, how to live with people and how to manage time. These are but a few life lessons that I learnt. I joined societies and sports clubs, sometimes I participated in their committees. I am an advocator of living out away from home. You will learn more than just academics.

29) Culture and friends dictate how much you will love your job more than anything else

A positive environment allows you to prosper and this is certainly the case in the workplace. A positive environment comes from the culture and the colleagues that you work with. These colleagues become your friends the more time you spend with them. In my first job it was really difficult, the people were nice and friendly but there was no distinct culture in my opinion. The last two companies I worked for had distinct and well defined culture. But more importantly the people were wedded to the culture, and they lived and breathed it. Once you are in the right environment and you have the support, the sky is the limit!

30) You are living the best life right now, it wasn’t in the past

I mentioned this at my wedding. But how often do we reminisc about our past, having fond memories of university or childhood. Yes it was probably a great time and you would have had lots of fun. But right now you are probably healthier, wealthier and have more experience. You can enjoy your time now and create more memories, that way you will stop living in the past and be more present in the future. Enjoy today, not yesterday.

31) Confidence is underrated, fake it until you make it

This is a lot more of a recent revelation. I do not like fakeness at all, fake news, fake reels and fake people are all annoying and make us less intelligent. All for a short term hit of success or dopamine. However, having said, that there is some research backing that fake smiling is enough for your body to release happy chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. And so there is some truth to faking it until you make it! Recently, I found this to be the case with confidence as well, if you act confident you begin to feel more confident and then you actually become confident.